| 12 October 2007 "this life's too good to last"~ Muse ("Blackout") The rumors are true: I am back. Navy Customs is a hell I wouldn't wish on my enemies, by the way It took 100+ hours to get from Iraq to Tampa and 70+ between showers but my family hugged me anyway and a few hours later, I was sprawled in my bed with the nice sheets, wearing nothing but my favorite Capt. Jack Sparrow boxers. My first full day back was spent cleaning house and shaving one of my cats who's fur was too badly matted to brush out (at least my roommate didn't neglect the dog). The next few weeks will be spent outprocessing at MacDill but I plan to be back on the air by the first Monday in November (the 5th, I believe) so until then... Ma'salamah. | |
| 29 September 2007 "All I want is to be home" ~ Foo Fighters ("Home") Incoming! Incoming! Incoming! Not a mortar this time but a new crew! Our replacements are here! Fresh (ok, not so fresh) off the plane, word of the "hotness" of the one arriving female on crew reached us long before they did physically. Of course, you have to ask "Now, is she truly hot or just 'Desert Hot'?" because men's standards sink after a while out here. It's like "Beer Goggles" times 10 and multiply that by every passing month. The question you need to ask yourself, boys, is would you hit that if you were back in the States? I gladly welcomed her into my hooch, not because I like having my privacy further invaded, but because she, like the rest of them, signal that the end is nearer for us. I've done a bit of light packing and cleaning, taking a box of snacks and stuff over to the Bearded Ones because they were running low on Slim Jims. Buried at the bottom of a box, I included a jar of vasoline and a handful of the condoms that Stacey supplied me. I'm always tempted to tell these guys that no matter how long they let their beards grow, they will never pass for natives. They are just extra hairy Americanos. Have I mentioned lately that you can just stick a fork in me because I am "done?" I've been hiding out next door with the Signal guys, assisting with training and just breathing in the air surrounding familiar equipment. They commented again that I should have been tasked to them all along. They could have really used me and then maybe I wouldn't have such a foul taste in my mouth by this point. Hmmm, going on convoys or running telephone lines? Monitoring real-time missions or monitoring a walkie-talkie just in case someone decides to do a "signal check" on his way to the PX? Giving classes on equipment that I'm proficient in or feeling like an incompetent fool on a near-daily basis? By the way, "augmentee" is just another word for "bitch." | |
| 22 September 2007 "You can be my black Kate Moss tonight"~ 30S2M (channeling Kanye West on "Stronger") The Feel Good Fairy dropped back by for the Range this morning. It was as if the Crippled Killer went on a shopping spree at the Armory, "I'll take one of these, and one of these, and ooh, yeah, one of those too...". He said, "If you don't know how to use something, just ask. Other than that, have fun!" It was literally a free-for-all. Brought out the AK's and a slew of other weapons for shoot & tell. Ever heard of the British Sterling submachine gun? Actually, it looks like a piece of a gun, not a gun in itself. It's only about a foot long, a funky looking, fully automatic, 9mm with a collapsible stock so it unfolds to fit up against your shoulder and the magazine feeds from the side. The barrel looks like an extension of the sniper rifle. It's pretty cool though! I'm wondering how much one would cost and if it's legal for home defense. | |
| 21 September 2007 "Sun is in the sky, oh why, oh why would I wanna be anywhere else?" ~Lily Allen ("LDN") Ok, I'm officially "over" being Over Here. Not too much longer now...if all goes well, I'll be home in time for the Holiday (Halloween) and to see She Wants Revenge that same week in Orlando. The new Foo and Ministry albums are both streaming online and I can't listen to either one of them on the craptop I'm using here. Pisses me off. Finally heard the confirmed NBT 7 lineup from a friend of a friend. How's that saying go? Everyone assumed that Someone would do it so No One did? I'm pretty excited. By the way, is broccoli supposed to be yellow? Tastes about the same, I guess. I sure could go for some of my zip-code-famous spicy tomato pizza and a big bottle of wine about now. I'm sick of being sober, sick of my hair being in a bun, sick of 12 hour shifts/7 days a week, sick of sand and rocks and sirens...yeah, I know, I'm whining. I'm sorry but the Feel Good Fairy has flown. | |
| 11 September 2007 "Quelle est ta religion ou` sont tes fide`les ?" ~Enigma ("Sadness") The heat broke like a fever a few days ago, literally going from 120+degrees to a very pleasant, cool 103. I wish I had windows to open at night because the breeze doesn't carry a stench the way it did. I'm breathing deeply for the first time in months (probably still not a good idea because the burn pit still smokes 24/7). I wander over to the Chapel sometimes to check out the goods- various reading materials and trinkets- but most of all, I like the rosaries. Made of 5/50 cord and fat, plastic bugles beads, they're camo colors of olive drab, tan, and black. Combat Crosses. I'm not even Catholic but I still wear the St. Michael pendant my ex-mother-in-law gave me before leaving for OIF 1. Before he left, Mongo also gave me a card with the Prayer of St. Michael on it which I tucked away as a bookmark but not before making fun of the angel's androgynous depiction and in my best Death Metal voice (which isn't very good), growled "And do though, O prince of the heavenly hoooooooooost, thrust into hell all evil spirits who wander the world seeking the ruin of sooooooooouls!" We ordered extra sets of dog tags before we deployed and as I'm filling out the paperwork, I ask "Am I limited to what I can put down for 'religious preference'?" "Well, what do you want to put?" "Is Hare Krishna a religion?" She rolls her eyes "Kate..." "How about Judeo-Christian?" "What?" "Or Messianic Jew? Ooh, no! I got it! Jew-for-Jesus!" "You're killing me, Kate." Eh, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm too tatted up for a proper Jewish burial so might as well just burn what's left of me. It's wiener-roast-kegger time! | |
| 8 September 2007 "What if suffering's the only thing we're good at"~ As Tall As Lions ("Love, Love, Love") I've met some incredible people out here and sadly, the best I can hope for in the end is that a few of them will turn out to be decent pen-pals. You know how you just "click" with some people? Some people are "keepers?" One in particular has become one of my best friends in this short amount of time (and I swear, Mongo, G-d help you if you don't stay in touch!) and he left tonight. I don't mean for this to sound like a eulogy (pronounced "you-goo-guh-lee") but he's one of those guys that everyone likes and everyone is bummed to see go. Time will pass slowly without his company. Who will lift me out of the manholes? Who's going to let me win at Connect Four? Well, December 2nd, buddy, you have plans. Just remember that. | |
| 7 September 2007 "Are you ready for the shit to hit? So there's a dark side in us all"~ Snow Patrol ("Ways and Means") Took a leisurely afternoon drive through Sniper Alley today. I've yet to discover anything redeeming about this place. Why anyone would choose to live here is beyond me. | |
| 6 September 2007 "I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets" ~Tori Amos ("Crucify") Dug another trench this a.m. Got ill this time. Feeling a little more nauseous with every bottle of water I sucked down, I eventually crawled around a barrier, put my head between my knees and wretched. I'm not in the best shape of my life but then again, breaking rocks in 126 degree heat would probably wear anyone out. The Crippled Killer was in a playful mood today. He cocked his pistol, grabbed me by the throat and pressed the barrel against my forehead. Yeah, he likes me... Recently got word that my best friend's 11-year-old kidney gave out on him. He's back on dialysis although he swore years ago that he'd rather die than go through that again. He's had a rough year. Lost his job to company downsizing (cheap bastards) and his need for health insurance forced him to settle quickly for a position at a Classic Rock station (so not his format) in a podunk town. Shortly after, his fiancé decided to get back with her ex (I told him he should've left her ass to wake up in a tub full of ice). I've been tested but I'm not compatible so if there's anyone out there with O-neg blood type that has a kidney to spare...cuz you know you really only need one. | |
| 28 August 2007 "Being in a firefight is the most fun you will ever have. Right up until the point you start losing." ~the Crippled Killer Can't sleep. We've been pounded by mortars pretty steadily the last week or so. I barely noticed because most hit on the main base. But tonight, the moon is nearly full, ridiculously bright, and those bastards have a better sense of aim because of it, I think. Have I mentioned I would prefer there be no siren warning of "incoming!"? If I'm doomed to be blown up, I'd rather not spend my last few tense moments waiting for it. Just "thud" and then Nothing... I watched K and H conduct Pre-Combat Inspections on their gear. They took twice as many loaded magazines for this trip. H asked, "So I guess they wouldn't let you come along, huh?" I shook my head. "Lucky." "I volunteered." "Fuck that." I let it go. What the hell do I know anyway? What right do I have to criticize or even pep-talk? He's been blown up on convoy before, not me. If he's scared, it's because he knows there really IS a Boogeyman under the bed. I dropped them at the flightline and said "See you soon." Not "Stay safe" or "God bless." Nor did I add "I wish I was going with you." I skipped out on the Range tonight too. My heart wasn't in it. I kept thinking "What's the point?" Sometimes I feel like I was born the wrong gender, or joined the wrong branch of service. Or both. Let me clarify one thing here: I am not a warmongerer. I'm not bloodthirsty, seeking the "pink mist." I just want to protect my friends. http://www.quietpros.com/ | |
| 17 August 2007 "...feeling like a bag of smashed assholes." ~ Maj. P "You know, you can stay here a few more days. You gotta admit, this place is a lot nicer than where you're staying." It was kind of the Chief to offer but I'd been there long enough to know that my presence was a minor inconvenience to these men and the sooner I could get out of their hair, the better. There were no quarters for females, really. The room they had planned to keep me in was out of the way, no a/c, the toilet was backed up with shit (literally), and there was a naked Iraqi man sleeping on one of the mattresses. As my companion pointed out, the place operated under Squatters Rights: find an abandoned building and claim it for your own. So what if the plumbing didn't work? Ultimately, they decided to allow me to lodge with them. It was a mattress tossed in a corner with a plywood divider for privacy. I'm not picky, it's perfect, I said. I spent the next day just trying to stay out of their way. My purpose there was only to deliver and exchange some equipment. Really, it was just an opportunity to escape my compound, take a field trip. Having accomplished that, I was ready to get home asap. The ride out had been a disappointing C-130 flight (like I don't have enough hours on one of those...) but the return would likely be a helo. Originally planning to hitch a ride on a Blackhawk, they got called up for another mission and took off again almost as soon as they touched down. Half an hour later, sweating profusely and shifting my weight constantly (couldn't sit down b/c it would be too hard to get back up), I was aware that this was probably the longest time I'd had to spend in "Battle Rattle" since arriving in country. I'd gotten spoiled! Finally, someone agreed to haul us home. I fumbled for my helmet as the soldier behind me grabbed my rucksack and pushed me forward, "I've got you, let's go!" I caught up and grabbed my gear from him. We stood, ducking unnecessarily but instinctively, angling our bodies away from the exhaust that threatened to cook us and waiting for a signal from the rear gunner. I'd never ridden on a Chinook before. Unfortunately, I was sardined in the center and couldn't see shit. We rode with the tail open, lights off. I marinated in my own sweat, periodically squeezing my ass and toes to try and force sensation back into them. Again, sorry for the lack of pictures but I'm a stickler for OPSEC and when the signs say "No Photography!", I obey. Glad to be home, ie: my Camp. Mongo calls this place "Cheers". Our comfortable little bubble where everybody knows your name. PS- wet dreams come true: New She Wants Revenge album "This is Forever" due out Oct 9th (it's happy dance time!) | |
11 August 2007 The range is really the only place we are allowed to take pictures so here are some more. Did another Stress Shoot this a.m. This time we started out with our weapons disassembled and someone standing there with a timer yelling "hurry UP!" I'm no Forrest Gump :)Photos | |
| 08 August 2007 "I'll climb on top and I'll never stop till I make you forget who you are"~Blaqk Audio ("Between Breaths") Got the new Blaqk Audio album emailed to me today. Badass. Also got to fire sniper rifles this a.m. BADASS! | |
| 02 August 2007 "Shootshootshootshootshoot..!!" ~ QotSA "Six Shooter" The Crippled Killer has a list on the board in his office of "People to Kill". My name was not on it, specifically, but my Unit as a whole is. Am I lumped in with them? Yes, nervous? No, actually I'm simply insulted that I'm not listed separately. So beside it, he adds a caveat: Murphy- a shallow grave in the ISU yard. Better, thanks! | |
| 01 August 2007 "While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight" ~ Blue October ("Hate Me") Managed to get away and spend a couple precious hours at the pool on the main base and I was fairly impressed with the AFN jock's selection on the radio: new Interpol, White Stripes, Muse!, Tool (of course, it's a staple), Silversun Pickups, Marilyn Manson, Operator, plus some familiar fodder like Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains mixed in... I think the only thing he was lacking was new Against Me! Or Blaqk Audio but he may not have those yet. Then Blue October came on. Ryan Delahoussaye's (violinist, mandolin, MVP of Blue October, in my opinion) mother emailed me just before I deployed, did I ever tell you that? I don't know how she tracked me down or found out I was leaving but it was very random and flattering. She said she would pray for my safety and also wanted to say "thanks" for everything I'd done for the boys--being a catalyst for their "break through"--and she also said feel free to spread the word overseas. Now I was in Iraq, listening to "Hate Me" on the radio and thinking she would get a kick out of that. If I had her email address on me, I'd write to let her know. PS- I found a website full of new music videos that is NOT firewalled! HAHA! Take that, Uncle!! Diggin' the new Foo, by the way. Oh, and if you haven't already, check out Monster in the Machine (sorta SheWantsRevenge-meets-A Perfect Cirlce- ish) | |
| 24 July 2007 "Do it to me again and again. You put me in such a awful spin, in a spin, in-uh..." ~ Donna Summer ("Love to Love You Baby") One of the quickest ways to get to know someone is to inspect their iPod. After our OIC made fun of me for having five Britney Spears songs in mine (all from "In the Zone", which was so over and well-produced, anyone could've fronted it), I snagged his iPod in turn and found not only Brittney Spears (you hypocrite!) but Donna Summer's G.Hits to include (but by no means limited to) "Hot Stuff", "Bad Girls", and "She Works Hard for the Money". He blamed it on an ex-girlfriend but I know the truth: He cranks it up when he's alone in his room, dancing like the Waitress from the video. So Captain, how hard do you work for the money? | |
| 23 July 2007 Saturday morning shooting and Sunday morning soccer. The things I look forward to most!       | |
| 18 July 2007 "I've been looking so long at these pictures of you that I almost believe that they're real" ~ The Cure ("Pictures of You") The older you get, the more you try to "forget" your own birthday and the more you want it NOT to be a "big deal", the bigger a deal it becomes. I had 3 packages waiting for me. The best being from JC. It included flamin'hot cheetohs, about 5lbs of dark chocolate, 8 o'clock coffee and (tah dah!!) my "new" (used) ipod loaded with all the music from my computer back home (I can't tell you how serene it was to be sitting on the roof, watching the sunrise, listening to "Pictures of You"). Another was from my friend Stacey Kay (from 102.5 the Bone) and it included a magazine with Gerard Way on the cover (nice!), cinnamon toothpaste, a stuffed rooster (because she thought I might like "a little cock") and a whole friggin' bag of assorted condoms! She's such a freak : I thought we should blow them up and paint faces on them. The guys suggested we send her back a thick envelope of all the empty wrappers with a note reading "The troops said 'Thanks!!'" (note: In actuality, we decided later to fill one of the hot pink condoms with lotion and leave it in someone's desk drawer. Childish, yes...) My peeps here in the sand improvised gifts: Mongo gathered thick, plastic-wrapped wire and crafted (surprisingly well!) a "cat o' six tails". The NCOIC of Radio did a special "sexy dance" for me (where's the video camera when you need it?). Others that specialize in telephones decided that I would appreciate the gift that keeps on ringing so they programmed all the phones in Ops (there is some playful rivalry between our department and theirs) to have this really looooooooong, obnoxious ring and to all go off simultaneously. I can't wait til those guys get into work in a few hours so the fun can begin! Haha! (note: our phone pranks led Ops to barricade our office doors which led us to remove the doorbell from our wall-which we had previously removed the batteries from anyway because they rang it incessantly-and place it in their drop ceiling...and so forth. By the time I left work, all hell had broken loose and there was a threat that I might not get much sleep this afternoon. And I didn't. I don't know exactly when but they discovered the doorbell buzzing in their ceiling tile and decided my hooch would be a more fitting place to hide it. I told the individual that committed the act that he'd better hope I stay jacked-up on caffeine tonight because if I start to fade, I'll have to take a walk to help wake up and if I have to take a walk, it might as well be past his room and if it's past his room, I might as well kick the door...) PS- thanks to all my peeps at Cox Radio for the cards and junk food. Tim, Lara, Amy, JC, Joel Dub, Andrew, Patrick, and Shark, thanks for the music!), to my "gay baby daddy", Dick, thank you for...well, just being YOU and making me laugh. Thanks Phoebe for forwarding listener emails and messages to me and thanks Danielle, Deb, Debbie, Sumo, Chuck, Will, John...geez, this could turn into a grammy acceptance speech...everyone who wrote in, thanks! Y'all are the awesomest! I miss you too and can't wait to get back! I need a drink. | |
| 16 July 2007 "What happens when the summer's over? How long before distance becomes a chore?" ~ Against Me! ("Borne on the FM waves of the heart") "Incoming incoming incoming." It's not a shout but it's delivered with urgency and the preceding siren sounds sick. There are two alarms. One for the main base, which doesn't phase me b/c the base is large and the mortar may not hit anywhere close, but the alarm for our camp means something is about to hit and it WILL be close. So we paused in our task and stared up at the sky but could see nothing through the sand-clogged haze. "Wanna stand by a wall?" Yeah, let's do that. Stand beside a concrete barrier and count to 30. After 30 seconds, he said "Let's give it a full minute". There was a "thud" and then an "All Clear". We resumed our work. Ok, I did it. I volunteered to go out. And as I expected, I was turned down. "They're picky about who they take out with them" (meaning outside the compound) he explained. I know. I get it. It's not that I can't do the job, it's just that I am a woman and there are rules...if something happened to me, someone would be in trouble because someone else would raise the question "why the hell was she even out there? That's not the job she was sent to do!" We're jogging at dawn and passing by fresh detainees that are handcuffed and blindfolded, sitting on the ground. The Iraqi police are staring and we are trying not to stare back. To them, a female with her hair flowing from a ponytail, legs bare in jogging shorts and a tank top and sports bra must look like porn. | |
| 13 July 2007 Happy Friday the 13th! "Chuck Norris sells his urine for consumption. It's called Red Bull." Note to friends and family asking what we would like sent to us: Cheezits. We appreciate the Beef Jerky too. We live off it when the chow hall starts to run low on things edible-- we'll gnaw on the dried, peppered flesh of random beasts--but a box of Cheezits is worth it's weight in gold. Which really isn't that much if you think about it because Cheezits aren't very heavy. But how we love them! Also, anyone have an old, soft football or two to contribute? Nothing too nice! What starts out as a friendly game of "catch" turns into brutal, bloody bouts of "dodgeball" in the hallway. The floor is littered with the carcass of Nerf and I count my rear end as one of many casualties. The boys play rough! | |
| 8 July 2007 "I volunteered for the Army on my birthday"~ Steve Earle ("Copperhead Road") It was a Saturday night in Iraq and the boys were crowded into room playing poker when that song popped up on the ipod stereo. Suddenly, it was just another Saturday night in South Korea. It was one of my favorite songs. As soon as I heard the intro, I would frantically look around for someone to dance with, preferably Mike or John because they were strong leads. I can't remember much about the dance itself now except that I was absolutely breathless by the end of it. My time on the ROK was one of the best years of my life, which is funny to admit considering how many people warned me that it would be terrible. It is what you make it. | |
| 4 July 2007 "I ain't no Democrat. Sure ain't no Republican either. I only know one party, And that is freedom." ~ Pearl Jam ("I am a Patriot") We're having a sort of "field day". I went out to the range with my M-4 and 9mm to participate in the stress course: run, jump into a foxhole, shoot, run some more, shoot some more...Sadly, there was no prize for lowest score (which I had) but it was still fun! The "competition" was a bunch of dudes that do this shit for real every single frikkin' day so I enjoyed watching as much as participating. I really do have a severe case of "hero-worship" for a few of them. The chow hall was bedecked in red, white and blue crepe paper and all sorts of "4th of July" emblems and slogans. One of my peeps muses "I wonder if the Brits feel awkward about these decorations, considering we're celebrating our independence from them". I laughed at the irony of his observation. Personally, I prefer a table as close to the Brits as possible, just to better hear them speak. There was another memorial service today. It wasn't just a precautionary blackout after all. | |
| 30 June 2007 Good news: the BX/PX just got in a shipment of peanut butter M&M's and the new Blender (Meg White has me seriously debating on a return to red head-dom) Bad news: the BX/PX is out of coffee. There is a memorial service today. I'm not sure if I can disclose his name here so I won't but it's written in my heart. We've also been in another "Blackout" since 0200. I'm hoping this time it was as a pre-ops precaution and not another troop lost. We'll see... | |
| 29 June 2007 "What kind of fuckery is this?" ~ Amy Winehouse ("Me and Mr. Jones") Myspace, YouTube, Pandora, AOL music, Yahoo Launch - every site that I've visited for the purpose of streaming (not even downloading!) new music is blocked. Neither can we download iTunes (because a 30 second clip of new music is better than nothing). I've gotten generous offers from friends back home asking "what do you want as far as music?" but I'm really not sure because I cant preview anything new (and I only buy albums if I like at least 70% of their content). However, I think I can safely request the new albums from Interpol, Maroon 5, The Editors, Tegan and Sara, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs E.P. as well as Operator, Ne-Yo, Lily Allen (I'm finally gonna cave on this one, Pheebs) and a slew of random singles/songs; everything from Carrie Underwood to EL-P (cuz Mr. Reznor was involved in some of their latest stuff). Oh, and we finally got some diet soda in the chow hall today (or "Coke Light" as the cans assert in Arabic) and as I'm drinking a Diet Coke I think "this tastes funny..." when I realized the lack of vodka is probably the reason for that. | |
| 26 June 2007 The enemy of my enemy is my friend."~ Middle Eastern dictum " It wasn't quite noon when our NCOIC informed us to conduct "Blackout Procedures". Moments later, we had severed all phone and internet lines. No one on this compound was getting out, telecommunicatively speaking. The only time we do this is when someone assigned to us has been lost. We pull the plug on all comms except for a few select lines; the lines of the people responsible for notifying the next of kin. Outside, the flag was being lowered to half mast but even in the oppressive heat, the skin on my arms pricked up. There have been several near-misses since I got here. Last week's mortar impacts had everyone on the main base wearing full body armor, to the bathroom, even. We disregarded much of this, barely pausing when the alarms go off. But today, we all paused. | |
| 24 June 2007 This morning we played soccer with the Gurkhas. Not only can these fierce, small men from Nepal slice you pastrami-thin with a kukri but they can beat your ass easily any day in "football". Two of us (me, being one) twisted our ankles in the rocks. I smell like Tiger Balm and will have to take it easy for a few days. I hope the chow hall gets a shipment in soon. We're out of cereal, diet soda, and Rip Its. Oh, and it was a cruel trick to offer spaghetti for lunch when there's no sauce. | |
| June 23 (0900-ish) "She don't want your revolution if she can't dance" ~Moth ("Revolution")
I'm like the Maytag repairman. Unless something breaks, you're just babysitting equipment. So I study, read, sometimes wander around asking others if they could use a hand with their jobs (I said 'with their'. Get your mind outta the gutter...), anything to try and stay occupied. Today I was asked to replace a switch in the generator. Easy enough. Just make sure to number the wires and put them back in the correct order. When I finished, my buddy cranks the generator up to test it and it arcs. Smoke starts pouring out. The new switch was fried along with several wires. Why? Because I put the '6' wire in the '9' slot and the '9' wire in the '6' slot. "If anyone asks, the switch was bad." he tells me, laughing. I felt like such a moron. After work (my shift changed recently, btw. I work midnight to noon), I went to crash out on my bunk but when I opened the door, there it was again! The smell of burning electrical something-or-other. I figured out it was the air conditioner but there was no smoke and it was still running on low cool. But the smell was too strong to disregard so I went to report it and fill out a work order. The guy told me "We might not be able to get anyone out to look at it today." And I said "Then I'll find somewhere else to sleep but even if you can't fix it today, could someone just pop their heads in and take a look at it because it really does smell like something about to blow up." Later that night when I got back to my room, my roommate was there and explained that the repairman showed up just in time. He heard the smoke detector going off and when he opened the door, smoke billowed out. The outlet that the A/C was plugged into was on fire and he caught it just before it began to lick at my roommate's bedspread. The a/c was fine and the problem repaired and she left the door open for an hour, trying to air the place out but everything still smells like burned wires. She told me 'it's a good thing you caught it and put in that work order or we'dve lost everything!" but I kept thinking "if not for my malo suerte, there probably wouldn't have been a fire to begin with." Murphy's Law, ya know? | |
| June 22 (0100-ish) You know, I think I'm getting settled in finally. I don't feel as desperate as I did the first two weeks here. I have a routine of sorts, made a few friends. I'm resigned. Like a death row prisoner that has has finally accepted their sentence. | |
| June 21 (1900-ish) Someone accidentally threw out my iPod. 40 gigs of music is in a burn pit somewhere and I'm going nuts! I ordered a new one online (ie: a used one off eBay) and having it sent to my house where my buddy that's looking after my zoo will upload the music from my hard drive there (thank g-d I had it backed up!) and send it out to me. Probably will still take a few weeks and in the meantime, I'll just continue to go nuts sans music. MeatHead tried to hand me a dead mouse today. "Something for you to pet since you miss yours so much." Ha ha, Jackass. | |
| June 21 (1000-ish) Anyone who fancies themselves a decent shot, try shooting and walking at the same time. That was humbling. Aiming for "center mass" but I was taking out the kidneys, the shoulders, the testicles... Once returning from the range, I busied myself ironing my uniform top. Then I ironed everyone else's. Only when I was finished did someone notice and start bitching that I was using starch. Don't you know you're not supposed to use starch in the field?! You light up like a glow stick on infrared. "So don't wear your pretty, pressed uniform when you go a' huntin'." Dur! | |
| June 20 (1300-ish) Nanda. That's what I did today. Worked out last night so I skipped the boxing this a.m. and slept in an extra hour. Been dragging butt all day though. So tired...I think it was hotter today. And the wind was blowing which makes me feel like a turkey in a pressure cooker. Avoided going outside at all costs but even when I was indoors in the A/C, I felt sedated. Lethargic. It's amazing how "worn out" one can be after 12 hours spent doing nothing but struggling to stay conscious. I think I'm skipping the gym tonight and going straight to bed too. | |
| June 19 (0400-ish) "Go back to sleep..." ~A Perfect Circle ("Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums") Who the f**k was blowing sh*t up at 4 a.m.? | |
| June18 (1000-ish) The Bx/Px in deployed locations can sell some of the most random crap. Some items for sale here that have amused me are the assortment of condoms available ("no sex!" is General Order numero uno) and the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack. Today, some of the guys reported back to me that they had a Johnny Depp as "Capt. Jack Sparrow" poster for sale. I excitedly handed the manliest of men, affectionately known as "Meat" or "Meathead" or "Beefcake" (you get the picture) a $20 bill and said "ooh, can you pick it up for me?" Without hesitation he pocketed the cash and returned later with a poster that will be affixed to the ceiling above my bunk before the end of the night. Next, I think I'm going to send him out for some feminine hygiene products. | |
| June 17 (1000-ish) "And it's true that I'll miss you, but I'll see, I'll see you again" ~ Tiger Army "Where the Moss Slowly Grows" My friends Patrick and Lara uploaded the new Tiger Army album for me to the "you send it" website and it worked like a champ! I downloaded it to the shared drive here so everyone within my cozy compound can access it if they like. I'm SO stoked to know that with the help of friends back home, I'm not completely cut off from new music. | |
June 16 (1200-ish) Shot expert again on my M-4 today. Not that it counts in the field for another device on my ribbon but whatever. It still beats "real" work any day. The thing that blew my mind in this environment was how the SF guys that were there to instruct/guide us were so relaxed. They would walk up to score a target while someone was still firing on the target to the immediate right or left of them. One of them waved me down and I shook my head, indicating the live fire that was still taking place on either side of me. I said "no offense but you're crazy." He said "don't you have enough faith in your team not to shoot you?" So I followed him down to check my target as rounds exploded less than a foot away on either side of me. Now THAT was trust! | |
| "June 15 (1000-ish) I smoke two joints in time of peace and two in time of war" ~ Sublime There's a white board just inside the entrance of our hallway at work where a "Chuck Norris" inspirational quote is updated daily. Some of them give me a chuckle (ie: "the best thing about waking up isn't Folgers in your cup, it's knowing Chuck Norris didn't kill you in the middle of the night"). And others aren't worth repeating. I was wondering if I could add a daily song quote beneath it. The advice was, "don't f**k with the Chuck Norris board". Okaaaaaay... | |
| June 14 (1600-ish) "So you're a DJ?" I don't know how it got around but it did. The SF guys here think it's pretty cool. But I think they're pretty cool. PS- someone send me some 97X stickers if you think about it. I'm gonna leave a trail of green "X"s on my trip home (so we've got a while. But if you think about it...) I'm getting pretty hairy now. I was only joking when I said I wasn't going to shave while over here. I'll shave. It's a pain in the ass though and I'm only doing it when absolutely necessary b/c if I don't, my legs will start to itch, not b/c anyone's gonna be rubbing up on them. "You know the ones' who stand to gain are not the ones' who sacrifice"~ Strata ('The New National Anthem') | |
| June 15 (0900-ish) "It's another beautiful day in Zamunda!" I woke to "The Voice" over the Base PA system in the middle of the night. Couldn't make out what it said but seconds later, I heard something in the air and before I could complete the thought "that doesn't sound like a plane" there was a thud- not a boom- and then the sound of a million rocks flying and my bed shaking. It felt like an earthquake. But not. Moments later, helos were in the air, no doubt scanning the terrain with weapons trained and ready. My roommate never even paused snoring. I guess when you've been here a year, these explosive near-misses don't even phase you anymore. I didn't feel afraid but it still took me half an hour to fall back asleep and even then, I dreamt of rainstorms of mortars the rest of the night. | |
| June 13 (1500-ish) People around here share their care packages and it just so happens that the outgoing crew had a stash, a few pounds, of Starbucks coffee. I reached out slowly, tenderly, "May I...?" I brought the open bag to my face and breathed deeply. Ah, it's been so long, darling. See, many people set goals when they go on deployment: save up some $ to fix their dilapidated house in the ghetto of da 'Burg, work-out until their man no longer thinks Jessica Alba is "all that", and detox their bodies of crack-de-caffeine. Deployments are rehabs, of sorts. Rehab from the fast food gorging, over-caffeinated, sedentary life we lead back home. Then some well-intentioned Girl Scouts decide to ship kilos of Samoas and we're back where we started (Just say "no" to the cookie!). Don't get me wrong, I think it's very kind of them, but when I saw that box of coffee, I began to roll up my sleeve and search for a tourniquet. | |
| June 11 (1300-ish) Ok, so far the established highlights of this deployment are Saturdays-not b/c we have the weekend off but b/c those are the days we get to play with the BIG guns-and any night they serve pasta salad at the chow hall. And it's never on "certain" nights. You just show up and they either have it (yay!) or not (boo! Hiss!). During one exciting dinner (ie: +pasta salad), I asked "Is it pathetic that I'm this excited about pasta salad?" and there's a chuckle from one of the outgoing crewmen "Yeah, it's a little early in your game for that." | |
| June 9 (2100-ish) I've been here less than a week but already im beginning to feel clausterphobic in this concrete labyrinth. I may have found a temporary reprieve though: around sunset, I wandered, bored, outside and climbed onto the roof, carefully avoiding an array of radiating equipment. The heat had dissipated with the sun and the smell of burning garbage wasn't as prevalent today (or maybe im just getting used to it). It was nice to see a horizon. And birds. Tiny birds, hot and gasping. I feel sorry for them, their beaks open in a silent scream, chests quivering for air faster than I can count. I wonder how they could possibly survive here but then I remember the Euphrates is not far. In fact, in the distance, I can make out palm trees and a lush green-ness that appears alien when compared to the vast nothingness of the immediate terrain. Like a mirage, I wonder if I were to travel towards the green, would it continue to recede, forever out of reach? For the sake of the birds, I hoped not. | |
| June 8 (1100-ish) I dreamt I was late for everything. Flights, work...then I woke up, rolled over to look at the clock and realized I did have somewhere to be in 5 minutes. I think the jet lag has finally caught up to me. I'm tired as hell. I don't have a labor intensive job but after 12 hours, all I want to do is crash. Ive been averaging 10hrs of sleep the past 2 nights and I'm still groggy. I resorted to an energy drink of some sort this morning because of it. It's the first bit of caffeine I've had in weeks and it gave me the shakes. Not that I consider that a bad thing. I rather enjoy the shakes. Still, I wish we had had a few days to sleep and adjust to the time difference but if wishes were fishes (wtf does that mean, anyway?). | |
| June 7 (1000-ish) Up at 0430, went to the gym, shower, then hit the weapons range where a few of climbed into Humvees to have target practice with .50 cal machine guns (as well as some of the smaller SAUs). Not a boring way to start a work day. | |
| June 6 "Snorting Chapstick" Its been a few years so I'd almost forgotten that necessity. Unless you wanna be picking brown sand boogers outta your snout every few hours, swivel up that tube, shove it up each nostril and give it a few twists. Of course, you may want to designate a separate tube for your lips. | |
| June 3rd (1800-ish) The sun is obscured each day by a haze of sand. I suppose it's a blessing, keeping the temps down to a bearable 117 degrees today. There is the constant smell of trash burning. The compound is a maze of tall slabs of concrete and there's nothing but rocks beneath my feet. I wondered aloud if this area was this ugly before we got here and my companion replied "yes, that trash pit was pre-existing to us and it never stops burning." I live in something that looks like a bunker. "C-Block" is my home for the next several months. This whole place looks like the opening scene of "Terminator 2", an effigy of a war-zone in the 21st century. | |
| May 31 (1900) "Take cover, take cover, take cover" Alarm red. Incoming. First night at our compound and the siren declaring a mortar attack comes over the loudspeakers. I asked the fellow beside me, "What are we supposed to do?" and he replies, "Look up and if you don't see something about to clobber you on the head, just keep walking." I suppose it was the most appropriate welcome for a place affectionately known as "MortarRitaville". I stared at the potholes in the concrete, scars from previous attacks, and wondered if they were like lightening strikes: if I stood directly in one of those craters, would I be safe? | |
| May 30 (1300-ish) I was standing next to a man today and thought "wow, he smells funky!" Then he moved away, leaving me alone with myself and the smell. Guess he wasn't the funky one. | |
May 29 (midnight-ish) 96 degrees at midnight when we landed. In-processed, grabbed chow, a 3 minute "combat shower" and hit the bunk by 5 a.m. Woke up at 9 a.m. in a pool of sweat. It was 130 degrees out now and the A/C in the transient tents weren't working properly. Or maybe they were but just couldn't keep up with the heat. It's been several years since I was in the Middle East and I keep thinking "I don't remember it being quite this hot or quite this miserable." |
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